your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
