So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
