the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
