my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
