I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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