we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
