i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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