imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
