My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
