my sisters under your porch take her home
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't deserve a penis
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
