Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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