Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
