Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
