dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
