i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
