tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
