The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
