I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
