go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
