He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
