I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
That's intense
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
