the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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