Don't you send me to vm
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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