My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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