that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
