Are we in a gay sports bar?
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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