never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
