Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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