genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize