I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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