I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i out mim tonsoeep
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