I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
These tits shall not be calmed
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
