So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
