i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
