O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
How external is "for external use only"?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
