I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
