The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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