your room smells of hookers.
And success
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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