Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize