he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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