I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I feel like death gave me a hand job
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Randomize
