my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
