I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
