i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize