I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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