it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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