pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
he wants to bone in the snuggie
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
