I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
