Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
