you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize