I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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