That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
