Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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