my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need water and some morals
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
