I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
