butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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