Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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