just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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