It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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