i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
