She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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