I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
