Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
