I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
