Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
