nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize